A Brief Update

You may have noticed I haven't been posting much recently. Although you probably didn't; as I have mentioned before, nobody reads this blog. That won't stop me from being apologetic. We're into month three of medical school already, and my cooking has transitioned from adventurous to functional. Here are a few of the wonderfully practical meals I've been munching on recently.

There are the simple, reliable meals that take a minimum of grocery-shopping foresight:

Guy Fieri's Carbonara recipe, with the noticeably shitty thin-sliced pre-packaged pancetta

There are the fast meals, that pack a filling, reasonably nutritious punch in very little time:

Chicken+vegetables+fire. Yeah that's microwaveable rice

There are the slightly more elaborate meals:

Chicken sausage pasta with zucchini and cherry tomatoes. Cooking music is essential.

There are the stress-relief meals, which are really more about putting your mind entirely into the act of cooking:

Election Eve Jitters are no match for a culinary fiesta

There are the lazy meals:

Breakfast for dinner!

There are meals large enough to satisfy the disturbing, primal hunger that inevitably follows long hours in the anatomy lab:

DAN HUNGRY. DAN EAT EVERYTHING IN APARTMENT.

And there are the supremely lazy meals:

Guess it's time to cook. What's in my fridge?

As you can see, most of my meals fall between "lazy" and "simple" on the scale of kitchen complexity. And if I don't have time to cook, I sure as hell don't have time to write to an imaginary audience about it. Matter of fact, what the hell am I even doing now? 

What's good food

without good wine?

(Formerly) Green Eggs and Ham

Happy Easter

Warning: Devastatingly Sticky

Bacon-Maple Sticky Buns or Graymail FTW


I get a lot of what Microsoft has recently termed "graymail." Google Offers, Walgreens weekly newsletter, Amazon Local deals, CHOW Recipes of the Week. I hate unread messages, so I at least open all of these emails (smart-ass tech people - yes I know there's a "mark as read" function) and glance if only for an instant at the contents of each message. I'm glad that I do, because last week one of the recipes featured was for bacon maple sticky buns.

As of my baking these, there was only one user comment on the recipe. It read, simply, "The best sticky buns I've EVER had. EVER." I have to agree. But these buns don't need faceless Internet commentators to establish their superiority, they can speak for themselves:

Damn that's sticky.

Pastry Bag Technique: Needs Improvement

That's what it would say on my kitchen report card if such a thing existed.

Next time I'm just going to do alternating concentric circles of one type of cream, instead of trying to alternate within each circle. That'll probably look a little cleaner.

Recipe

For everyday pies, I don't really see a reason to use anything but a crust-from-a-box. It's pretty much the same damn thing as a homemade pie crust, but without the hardest part - dealing with the cold, hard butter. The filling on this is just a standard lemon curd, and the topping vanilla and raspberry whipped cream.

Crust
Pre-heat oven to 450. Mix enough pie-crust mix (e.g. Betty Crocker) with water to make one crust. Roll it out to an 11 to 12 inch round. Butter a 9 to 10 inch tart pan (with false bottom) and drape crust over it. Press the crust down into the pan, taking care to move crust down from the sides into the dish rather than stretching the bottom crust to the walls - this helps avoid what every baker fears: shrinkage. Trim the crust so that about a half inch of overhang remains, and fold this overhang down to double up the thickness of the tart wall, so that about 1/4 inch of crust shows above the rim of the pan. Chill in the freezer for 10 min. Fork dough thoroughly and bake at 450 F for 10 minutes, or until golden. Set aside to cool

Curd

• 4 lemons
• 1.5 c sugar
• 4 oz (1 stick) unsalted butter
• 4 extra large eggs (at room temp - like the French do)
• pinch salt

Zest the lemons (no pith, please) and chop the zest fine. The easiest way to do this is to mix the sugar and zest in a food processor and pulverize for a minute or so. Squeeze 1/2 cup of juice from your lemons and set it aside. Cream this lemon-sugar dust with the butter with an electric mixer for 2-3 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, beating until incorporated. Add the lemon juice and salt and combine. Heat the mixture over LOW heat in a 2 qt saucepan, stirring constantly, for about 10 minutes. When the curd has started to thicken, and coats the back of the spoon nicely, remove it from the heat. Pour warm curd into the cooled tart shell and let it set at room temperature for a few hours.

Topping

• 1 c heavy whipping cream
• 1 heaping tbsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• Handfull of washed raspberries

Before starting, throw a bowl and your beaters in the freezer for 10-15 minutes, and make sure the cream is ice cold. Mash the washed raspberries with a fork in a small bowl. Cover and refrigerate.

combine cream, sugar, and vanilla in a large mixing bowl, and beat for about 15 seconds. Remove half of the cream mixture to a small bowl, and beat the remaining mixture to stiff peaks. Remove the vanilla whipped cream to a small bowl. Transfer the unbeaten mixture to the large bowl and beat until barely thickened. Add raspberries and beat to reasonably stiff peaks (something about the raspberries - acidity or juiciness perhaps - prevents the cream from fully whipping). Using a pastry bag fitted with a star tip, top cooled tart with concentric circles of whipped cream dots. As I mentioned in the intro I think I'm going to try alternating circles of vanilla and raspberry cream next time - at least until I get a little better with the pastry bag.

Sandwich Triad

The Annals of Lunch

Sandwich. The word alone inspires salivation. Indeed, the incredible potential for deliciousness is surpassed only by the immense variety of style and form in the world of this lunchtime staple. Recently I found myself falling it into a rut sandwich-wise. It was a tasty rut, to be sure, but a rut nonetheless. It was time to branch out. I picked three of my most successful experiments to publish in this post. Hopefully this will inspire you to break out of your own sandwich habits. However, seeing as no one actually reads this blog, I'll probably only end up inspiring myself at some point in the future. That sounds dirty...

Open Face Italian Turkey

Whenever I'm trying to decide what to cook the first type of food that comes to mind is always Italian food. Maybe it's because that's all I ate growing up, I don't know - I'm not a psychologist. Whatever the reason I always find myself thinking 'why would I cook any other kind of food?' The influence of this thinking is pretty obvious here, and you'll find it in all three sandwiches (and really, damn near everything else I cook).

• 2 (vertical) slices of fresh ciabatta* about a half inch thick each.
• 2 medium thin slices of provolone cheese
• a little under a quarter pound of tacchino arrosto (roast turkey), I like mine affumicato con miele (honey smoked)
• 4-5 thin tomato slices, slightly mangled
• 1 tsp good extra virgin olive oil
• A pinch shredded Parmigiano-Reggiano
• A pinch of dried basil
• Fresh black pepper to taste

The goal with this sandwich is to create a slightly crunchy bottom to the bread on one side, and slightly browned cheese on the top. This must be done in two steps because, at least in my toaster, you can't get the cheese to start bubbling without completely blackening your bread. Alright, let's make this sandwich:

Layer the turkey on the bread. Don't be tempted into piling the meat too high. Normally, I'm all about more meat, but when this kind of cold-cut turkey heats up it tends to get really salty, so unless you want to chase this sandwich with a half-gallon of water, use moderation. Roll it up, tear it, crumple it, whatever makes it fit onto the bread. You want to minimize overhang, because any turkey that's not shielded by bread or cheese will burn and harden, and you'll have to trim it off. Not ideal. Next layer on your cheese, trying to cover all the turkey. Toast (in a toaster oven... do not try to jam this in a vertical toaster. please.) on the "medium" setting.

While that's toasting, you can prep your tomatoes. Cut them thin, about an eighth of an inch, then mangle them a bit so that they're more lines than circles, and drape them over the top of the sandwiches, when they're done toasting. Sprinkle some Parmigiano-Reggiano over the tomatoes, and crack some black pepper on top of that. Place the sandwiches on the toaster-oven's tray, and throw it on top-brown. When they come out, drizzle some olive oil on top.

Eat.

*I always have this stuff on hand. I keep it "fresh" by cutting loaves into quarters the day I buy it, then wrapping the hell out of it and throwing it in the freezer. That way I can just bust out a chunk at a time. I usually use some of it for lunch, and have what's left with dinner. Simple.

Man-ini. You're Welcome.

The first half of this sandwich didn't survive long enough to be photographed. This is evidence of two features of this sandwich: first it's irresistible savory tastiness, second the relatively large amount of time it takes to make.

• 5-6 inch long hunk of ciabatta (preparation explained below)
• 1/2 cup bacon, chopped into small chunks
• Enough asiago cheese (sliced thin) to cover the bread in a single layer
• Enough white cheddar (sharp, sliced thin) to cover the bread in 3 layers
• 5-6 oven-roasted tomato slices
• A pinch of thinly sliced red onion
• 1 drizzle extra virgin olive oil
• 1-2 tsp of chopped Italian parsley

Bread Prep
So I read about this sandwich technique in Simple Italian Sandwiches, the 'Ino (a sandwich shop in NY) cookbook, and I found it confusing as hell the way they described it. The idea is that since ciabatta is fairly thin, it makes a heartier sandwich if you cut it "horizontally" or equatorially. Basically if you've got your bread sitting flat on your countertop, you want the plane of your cut to be parallel to your table. HOWEVER, before you make this cut, you're gonna want to trim your bread some. Shave off the domed top part of the hunk of bread, so that you're left with about a 1 inch thick piece of bread to work with. Cut that bread in half in the aforementioned way and you're left with two 1/2 inch slices. One with just crust around the edges, and one with crust all over the bottom.

Innards Prep
The "oven roasted tomato" idea is from that same Sandwiches cookbook. They recommend roasting the tomato slices in a single layer at around 350 for a half hour, or something like that. I didn't feel like waiting, so I arranged my tomato slices in a single layer on my toaster-oven tray and turned it on broil. Once I got those going, I started the bacon in a cold pan (the way it's supposed to be). Watch both of these, you want the bacon crispy, not burnt, and the tomatoes tender, not shriveled.

Sandwich
Layer your asiago cheese on one side of the bread, and your cheddar on the other. Throw down your bacon bits on the asiago side, followed by the tomatoes, onions, olive oil, and parsley. Put the two sides together and throw it on your pre-heated panini press (you do have a panini press, don't you?).

If you don't happen to have a professional panini press, a George Foreman type electric grill will do the job, you'll just need to put a cookbook or something heavy (and heat resistant) on top of it, otherwise the sandwich won't flatten properly. If you don't have a foreman, a grill pan and a brick will also work, but you'll have to flip your sandwich half way through to cook it evenly.

Toast in your press until the sandwich is golden brown and cheese is bubbling out of the sides. Cut in half, and eat. Serve it with chips, or don't serve it at all.


The Number Two-Point-Five

This sandwich is an hommage to my favorite deli sandwich ever: the Gourmet Heaven #2, without honey mustard. Turkey, brie, and green apples on a footlong grinder roll. I must have gotten that sandwich 3 or 4 times a week in college. I've modified the form and replaced the brie with Fromager d'Affinois, its slightly funkier cousin, but the soul of the #2 lives on.

• 2 thin (3/8") slices of ciabatta
• ~1/4 lb turkey, sliced thin
• 5-6 long slices of Affinois cheese
• 4-5 thin apple slices (something green)

Place the bread on a panini press or substitute (see above) and grill until lightly toasted, and cover each with 2 layers of turkey, 1 layer of Affinois, and one layer of apple slices (they fit better if you cut them in half). 

Yamolumpia (aka Lumpimoto)

Beast from the weast DJ Pandabomb serves up some lumpia

I was kicking it with my man DJ Pandabomb today and we were trying to decide what to make for dinner. We had lumpia wraps, some beef, potatoes, and onions. Pandabomb decided that the only viable course of action was to make a kind of Asian corn beef hash and roll it up into a generous pile of yamolumpia.

Here's what you need to make it happen:

DJ Pandabomb's Yamolumpia

About 20 min prep, 10 min cooking. Makes ~10 lumpia

--Lumpia--

1 lb beef chopped - should be thin-sliced medallions of sirloin (i.e. beef for bulgogi)

1/2 lb small potatoes

1/2 medium onion

2-3 green onions

1 qt + 3 tbsp vegetable or canola oil.

10-12 lumpia wraps

--Sauce--

1/4 cup white vinegar

2 cloves fresh garlic, crushed/pressed and chunked.

Filling

First, wash and boil potatoes for about 5 minutes. Strain and cut potatoes into small chunks. Chop onions and mix with chopped potatoes. Heat about 3 tbsp oil over medium high heat in a skillet or frying pan. Cook beef until it's about half cooked (half red, half gray/brown), then add potato/onion mix. Cook until beef is almost cooked enough and/or onions become translucent. Remove filling from heat to a bowl.

Lumpia

Separate off a lumpia wrap (if it's too dry to work with you can make it more pliable by selectively wetting it with a drip-dry paper towel) and lay it in front of you. Spoon a little less than a 1/4 cup of filling mix onto the wrap near one end, and roll up the lumpia as shown in the diagram below:

Simple

With your lumpia wrapped, stacked, and looking like the tasty specimens in the first picture, it's time to get cooking. Heat a quart or so of oil in a deep pan to about 325-350°F. The amount of oil will vary with the size of your pan, so adjust as needed. 

DJ Pandabomb using the antimatter plasma stove

Basically you want an inch or two of oil depth, and you want to make sure the pan is less than half full. However much oil it takes to hit that sweet spot, use that. Fry lumpia until golden brown and lay them down on a paper towel to soak up the extra oil.

Sauce
The sauce for these lumpia is unbelievably easy to make, but do not underestimate its importance. A dunk in this tangy condiment is all you need to take these lumpia to the next level. Are you ready for the instructions? Alright here they are: combine vinegar and crushed garlic in a bowl. Serve.

Mmmm... crispy.

Thanksgiving Pornography

Pre-Thanksgiving Edition


For those of you expecting to see a bunch of pilgrims getting weird, I sincerely apologize. Instead you will find a series of photos I wanted to revisit just to put some of that unrivaled Thanksgiving fare in the back of my mind before I have to actually start thinking about this year's menu. We'll start with pie...

Pumpkin pie - classic

Turkey stuffed with apples, and smothered in sage-pancetta butter

Roasted red potatoes with rosemary

The Spread

The Plate

The Day After

Aaaaand now I'm hungry. Works every time.

I'm Still Cooking

You just haven't heard about it.

Blackberry Pie - recipe here.

...bitches*.




*Yes, that ruler in the background was used to ensure my pastry strips for the top crust were all about the same size. This was only my second lattice top crust ever. Give me some slack.

November is Coming

Fall is the best season. Easily.

There's amazing scenery. There's Halloween. There's a holiday where the only thing you're expected to do is eat until you fall asleep and watch football when you wake up.

That's right motherfuckers, I have a confession to make: I love Thanksgiving. I know it's not politically correct to like Thanksgiving. We were not very nice to native Americans and it's kind of a dick move to have a holiday where we pretend they're our friends. But honestly, every holiday is offensive. Jews hate Christmas because it forced them to pretend Hanukah is actually an important holiday, Middle Eastern restaurants hate Ramadan for obvious economic reasons, and think about how the KKK must feel about Martin Luther King Day.

All racism aside, Thanksgiving is a time to bust a culinary move. 90% of the affair is set up to show all your friends and relatives how much better you are at cooking than they are. The meal comprises so many components that it can be difficult to keep track of them all; people tend to lose sight of the fact that the TURKEY is the main event. If your turkey sucks, your dinner sucks. Sorry, I don't care how good your stuffing is.

How does one make a killer turkey? This is possibly the longest standing debate in Thanksgiving culinary history. It seems like every year there's something trendy and "new" that all the cool, food-enlightened home cooks are doing. Brining comes to mind. I feel that it's my responsibility as a food blogger, amateur food scientist, and Thanksgiving enthusiast to put forward, once and for all, the Best Way to Cook a Goddamn Turkey.

Post coming some time in the next 50 years.

Like I need an excuse...

More of me not writing for this blog

As if I should even be making excuses for this anymore, I probably won't be writing much for the next few months. I'm heading down to South Africa for the world cup (that's right, bitches) so I will be very, VERY far from my kitchen and all the good, edible things it contains.

So yeah, sorry about that. Maybe I'll make it up to you all when I get back. Probably not.

Well, have fun doing whatever the fuck you're doing this Summer, and if your Summer sucks, just think about how awesome mine is!

Until I blog again,

Yeah so that didn't happen...

Stealing from other food blogs

I said I would finish the breakfast pie recipe. I did not. Maybe that will happen some time around Thanksgiving. Maybe it won't. What I will offer, however, just in time for the best part of college tailgate season: Guinness Cupcakes.

Fucking right.

Cake

• 1 cup Guinness
• 1 stick, plus 1 tb, unsalted butter
• 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
• 2 cups dark brown sugar
• 3/4 cup sour cream
• 2 eggs
• 1 tb vanilla extract
• 2 cups flour
• 2 1/2 tsp baking soda

Glaze*

• 8 oz cream cheese
• 1 1/4 cups confectioners’ sugar
• 1/3 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350; butter a muffin tin.

Combine the Guinness and the butter, chopped into 1-inch chunks, in a large sauce pan, and heat to melt the butter. Remove from heat, and whisk in the cocoa and sugar. In a bowl, whisk the sour cream with the eggs and vanilla, then add to the beer mixture. Sift together the flour and baking soda, and fold into the batter. Pour into muffin molds and bake for 25 minutes, or until inserted cake tester comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes, remove from muffin tin, and cool completely on a rack.

Using a mixer, whip cream cheese until smooth, sift in sugar, and beat. Add milk, and beat until smooth. Spread glaze over cooled cupcakes.

*To create a thinner glaze, use a tablespoon or two more milk; for a topping more akin to icing, use less milk, and perhaps more sugar. In either case, add a little sugar or milk at a time, mix, and check for desired consistency.

The above recipe copied verbatim (i.e. ctrl-c, ctrl-v) from Big City Little Kitchen. I had nothing (NOTHING) to do with the creation of this recipe, I simply stand in awe of it's greatness.

Slowly but surely

Breakfast Pie - The Outline

Jobs aren't all that easy to find these days. No doubt - I love my job. I love having my job. It is, however, a huge, HUGE time sink, something I did not realize until I actually started working. I sleep, eat, and go to work. That's what I do - that's pretty much it. Ok, so that's an exaggeration but honestly there's not too much time left in my schedule for food blogging. Nevertheless, I don't want to completely ignore this project. I have been working towards finishing my breakfast pie recipe. Here's the skeleton I'm working off of - hopefully the actual recipe will follow in short order:

Crust:
Gotta be flaky and rich - I want this crust to have some balls, maybe go with animal lard instead of cold butter. thicker grade of flour? maltier definitely. Savory to blend with the shredded cheddar that's incorporated

Layer 1: Home Fries
Simple. red bliss potatoes fried hard - country-style in a skillet with butter, spice (cayenne powder, onion powder, oregano, salt, fresh black pepper) and bacon fat. This layer also provides substantial carbs - no need for other starchy layer (i.e. waffle layer or pancake layer - possibly for an alternate "sweet breakfast" pie).

Layer 2: Eggs
Essential to the meatiness of the dish - the eggs are scrambled with LIGHT cheese (shredded - probably moderately sharp yellow cheddar) added are sauteed peppers and onions. black pepper.

The top: Bacon
We want thick cut, applewood smoked or equivalent. woven in a cold skillet, cooked by slow-heat method. Once it starts to sizzle, (carefully) flip it, let it sizzle a bit more. Doesn't have to be (in fact shouldn't be) finished when you take it off the heat. You want it to be a little pliable so you can fit it to the top of the pie, and it will finish during the last step of cooking the pie.

Baking this fucker: Multi-step process
We want to first bake the crust alone - just underdone. then we add the cream filling, the good shit. Warm it up, low heat, 10-15 minutes (adjust to higher temperature, so the crust finishes properly when we crank up the convection). Final
bake: Finishing the crust and the bacon - convection bake on med-high temp (tbd) until edge golden brown and bacon crispy. The trick will be getting those to happen at the same time. Maybe get them both pretty close to done before the final bake, then just kind of use the convection step to put on the finishing touches - not doing all that much heavy lifting.

Diet Pie
I was thinking about ways to lighten this pie up a bit - might be kinda hard to eat as-is. Maybe go for a light and flaky crust - still savory and malty, but not as dense. Homefries are easy - just cook them in olive oil. You're not going to get them to be any lower in carbs. I guess you could also just put down fewer of them. Eggs: Couple ways to hit this. Scrambled egg whites is an option - straight protein. No fat, no cholesterol, also no color and funky flavor (mmmmm albumin). Another option is half-yolk. I like this alternative, just de-yolk every other egg you crack, and it it's an odd number go with fewer yolks than more yolks. unless it looks funny, then add the other yolk. For the top layer use a thin-cut, low sodium bacon. Will be a little tougher to work with, because that stuff can get mighty brittle when it crisps up, but definitely worth it - it will definitely take down the caloric footprint of this pie by a significant margin (not to mention the saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium).

Word up.


UPDATE:
------------
So I just re-read the above recipe skeleton. Sorry if it's confusing or hard to follow - these are actually just notes I took down one day at work, so they weren't really intended for publishing. Bottom line, if something seems weird or confusing, wait for the real recipe to come out.

Shit, team

Holy shit, team, it's been a long couple of months. There will be recipes posted. Yes, there will. Not now, though. Instead, I'd like to take some time to talk about something very important to me: bacon.

I believe, for what it's worth, that whatever higher power created us, was, at least for some time, pretty happy with us. As a reward, this higher power gave us bacon. Few things in this world move me the way a saucy slab of bacon does. Here's a short list of the things one can do with a 1 1/2 lb slab of smoked bacon:

• Breakfast for 2
• Breakfast for 1 for 2 days
• Some chronic fried rice
• Sled
• One of these:
  

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/blog/recipes/bacon-explosion/

• Bacon pie - (by the end of the summer there will be a recipe for this, rest assured this is something I've wanted to throw together for a while)

That's all for now. Sorry I've been gone for so long. Finals are a bitch.

UPDATE:
------------
The Bacon pie mentioned above is actually starting to come together. First attempt might go down this weekend. It will be called the Breakfast Pie. Be ready.

Memories from Italy

A Classy Treat

In lieu of an introduction, I thought I'd post a recipe so glitzy and glamorous it will blow all y'all away. But then I thought, to hell with it - it's 8.20am on a Thursday Morning, midterms are coming up, papers are waiting to be written (kids, keeping a 15 page paper until the last minute is never a good idea, especially if you are a humanities major attempting a paper on intergalactic radiation or some such wacky shit you know nothing about), plastic handles of cheap vodka to be *ahem* "disposed" of - and, let's face it, there's just no time to find your kiss-the-chef apron buried amidst 2 month's worth of laundry and dally on down to the student kitchen only to discover that some bastard stole all the cookie sheets and there is no butter ANYWHERE - and christ, that was one hell of a run on sentence. Anyhoodles, I decided instead on an easy-yet-effective recipe guaranteed to curb your late night munchies that requires only a microwave, a bowl, a spoon and ingredients you probably already have in your room or could easily pilfer from your dining hall. Trust me - it's so easy you could even make it while inebriated. I tried.

microwave cocoa krispies treats

ingredients (note: this is only a rough estimate. I'm a big advocate of eye-ballin' it)

1 1/2 tb peanut butter (i recommend smooth)

2 cups cocoa krispies

2 cups marshmallows (use the small kind)

Dump the peanut butter into the bottom of a microwaveable bowl, followed by half the cocoa krispies. Cover with marshmallows, then another layer of cocoa krispies. Top off with the last of the marshmallows, then microwave for about 30 seconds, or until the marshmellows form a nice poofy dome over your bowl. Remove from microwave and stir until the whole thing is coated evenly with  PB and marshmallows, and stick together in a clump. At this point, you can add more marshmallows and microwave for another 30 seconds if mixture doesn't stick.

This recipe could be altered in many ways. You could, instead of peanut butter, use normal butter or even some hydrogenated shit butter substitute (although if you go this latter route I will point and laugh at you and call you a sissy). You could use normal rice krispies instead of cocoa krispies; in fact, most cereals will work, although puffy ones work the best. You could also add other ingredients too - I used to make them with chocolate chips sometimes... and they were yummy.

So yeah, that's it from me for now....

peace and love -

P

Theoretical Ice Cream...

...the best kind?
Cinnamon Peach Skin Ice Cream

One of the most disappointing things about canned peaches is the lack of skin. The slime in which they are suspended is pretty cool, and that counts for something, but when I'm eating a slice of peach, it doesn't matter how sweet, juicy, and sexy the flesh is, there's nothing I like more than gnawing on the tangy, fuzzy skin. This flavor deserves to be a headliner, to be the center of attention in a dish. People, however, are not likely to look fondly on being served a platter of skin, so what better way to get our peachy point across than with ice cream?

Here's the issue: I haven't made this recipe yet, for lack of an ice cream maker (mine is about 3000 miles that way -->). As of right now, this ice cream is merely a really tasty thought experiment. Hopefully it turns out...

Yield: a little over 1 qt.

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups heavy cream
• 1 3/4 cups whole milk
• 3/4 cups sugar
• 6 large egg yolks
• skin of 12 peaches (yeah, so you might want to make a fruit salad or something too...)
  
• 1/4 cup peach juice
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• Some quantity Ceylon cinnamon (maybe... If the peach skin by itself is good, fuck the spices)
  
• Small pinch salt
  

Directions
So here's the basic theory behind this recipe: We want the essence of peach skin, and we need to counterbalance the sweetness native to the ice cream. To do this we add lemon juice, to kill the sweetness, and we attack with three different kinds of peach flavor: We blend half of the peach skin, to make a peach-skin puree, add general peachy essence with the peach juice, and then we chop or grate the rest of the skin so that people will know what they're eating (munching down on the skin is basically the best part). Timing is the part I have to get down, that is when to add everything. I'm concerned about losing the freshness and tangyness of the skin in the cooking process, so maybe I'll add half the puree before the boil, and half after. I'll figure it out, and I'll actually post directions when I do. Until then, dream of peaches (if you know what I mean). Oh and if anyone figures out how to do this, let me know, and I'll gladly take credit for your hard work.

Sauce Without a Cause

Passion Fruit Red Wine Dessert Sauce

I really don't like being told I can't do something, especially by people with authority. This is why I write a blog about food that no one reads instead of doing something productive like calculus. Anyways, I mused out loud one day about a sweet red wine reduction sauce for some kind of dessert, and was swiftly told that it shouldn't be done, that it shouldn't even be thought about. With my middle finger to the world, I set out to make a red wine dessert sauce. But aren't red wine reductions are better for savory dishes? Don't the strong flavors and tannins better complement meat and onions than fruit and pastries? Bite me.

Ingredients

• 2 cups decent red wine (I like a cabernet sauvignon, but I'm sure anything will do... merlot, however, is for pansies)
• 1 cup passion fruit juice (they sell it at Shaw's - Goya makes it, it's in the "world foods" section)
• some quantity of sugar... to taste, I guess? (I'll get back to you on that)
• 2 tsp lemon juice (doesn't have to be fresh)
• 1 stick cinnamon (this will come out, so don't substitute with powder)
• *optional: 1 tbsp whole cloves* (<-- for the winter)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Production
In medium saucepan, combine wine and spices. Bring wine to a simmer, and let the alcohol mostly reduce off. Let simmer uncovered for about 10 min. Add juices and sugar and let return to a boil. Simmer uncovered for about 20 min, or until the liquid has reduced down noticeably and the sauce is ever-so-slightly more viscous than it was originally. Don't worry, detail will be added in this section when I make this sauce again. Add the vanilla extract and simmer for about five more minutes. Let cool to room temp and store covered in the fridge for later use...


That brings me to the present issue with this recipe: what the hell do I use it for? It tastes pretty good, but the only way I've ever had it is by letting pieces of English muffin soak it up and then eating the muffin. It's just a little too runny to top ice cream with or to drizzle over black-bottom cupcakes. Please let me know if you think of anything. Maybe I'll soak slices of angelfood cake in it and layer them with whipped cream.

Other ideas I've been considering:

• Make sorbet out of it
• Flavor whipped cream with it
• Make a mousse cake with it

Dammit, no matter what I consider I can never find any reason to just use it as it is. It always seems to take on some other form. Well whatever, I did succeed in making a red wine dessert sauce, for the record.

New Authors!!!one!

I am but a poor lost lamb, but you already knew that. I guess we all are. Sheep, however, are pack animals, and in my quest for culinary cronies I have successfully sucked a few more in to this particular herd. Please welcome, with warmth and moisture... our new author.

Cake of Life/Cake of Death

Depending on Your Point of View
Triple-Layer Chocolate Cake with Banana Filling

My friend likes chocolate. I mean he really likes chocolate. He likes bananas too, and when his birthday came up I wanted to make something truly awesome. I don't know if I succeeded, but we're married now, so I guess it worked out.

Layers 1 and 3 Ingredients:

• 2 cups sugar
• 1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup cocoa powder
  
• 1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup boiling water

Layer 2 Ingredients:

• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter , room temperature, plus extra for buttering pan
• 10 ounces good-quality semisweet chocolate , preferably French or Belgian, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup light corn syrup
• 3 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks

Filling Ingredients:

• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 2 bananas, soft but not brown
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
  
• confectioner's sugar to taste
  

Frosting Ingredients

• 1 pound semi-sweet chocolate, roughly chopped (I like to use a really distinctive chocolate here, something with a lot of crazy flavors in it naturally - if you can get it, Scharffen Berger is a great option)
  
• 3/4 cup butter, cubed
  
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
  
• 1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
  

Layers 1 and 3:
Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed of mixer 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely.
(This might sound remarkably like the recipe from the back of the Hershey's cocoa powder container - it's not)

Layer 2:
Keep oven at 350°. Lightly butter a 9-inch round springform pan with removable bottom. Line bottom with parchment paper; butter parchment.

In the top pan of a double boiler over simmering water, melt chocolate, stirring occasionally. Remove pan from heat and whisk butter into chocolate until butter is melted and mixture is smooth. Set aside.

In a small, heavy pot over high heat, bring sugar and corn syrup to a boil, swirling pot occasionally to dissolve sugar. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes.

In the bowl of a heavy-duty electric mixer with wire whisk attached, beat eggs and yolks at medium-high speed until thick and frothy, 5 to 6 minutes. Reduce speed to medium low and carefully pour hot sugar syrup into beaten eggs in a thin, steady stream, avoiding the beaters. Remove bowl; use a rubber spatula to fold chocolate mixture into egg mixture.

Pour chocolate mixture into prepared pan. Place pan on a cookie sheet. Bake until cake has risen and set, 45 to 50 minutes. Move pan to a cooling rack and let cool completely. Run a thin, sharp knife around cake to loosen; remove from pan.

Let cake stand until room temperature
(This might sound remarkably like Oprah's Flourless Chocolate cake - it's not)

Filling:
DISCLAIMER: this part of the recipe might be bullshit... it's been about 7 mos since I made this cake and this and the frosting are the only parts of the recipe I actually made up... not gonna lie, I don't really remember if this is exactly what I did... I'll update this if I find that what I've written is an absolute failure

Cream the bananas in a mixing bowl with an electric mixer on high. Once the bananas are basically a smooth liquid add in the lemon juice and set aside. In another mixing bowl, combine the cream, vanilla, and sugar to taste. Whip that shit up to stiff peaks, but try to avoid making really sweet butter. Fold in the banana jizz until combined.

Frosting:
Melt the chocolate in a double boiler, stirring frequently until glossy and smooth. Add in the butter and vanilla, and stir until the butter is mixed in.

Transfer the melted chocolate mixture to a mixing bowl, and beat on high. While beating, sift in the confectioner's sugar and beat until the sugar is incorporated and the mixture is fluffy and awesome.

Assembly
For this cake, you might find it appropriate to shave your top and bottom layers so that everything fits together nicely. Personally, if the cakes aren't too different from each other in terms of flatness, I like to leave them unshaven. I think the unevenness of the cake makes it feel more authentic. Plus, you get more cake that way. So to start, lay down one of your cooled Hershey's Chocolate cakes and spread the top with half of the banana goo. Next, add on the Oprah Flourless layer, more banana goo. Top it off with your final Hershey's layer, and frost. I would let the whole thing chill in the fridge for an hour or so before serving, but if you can't wait, whatever, you earned it.

Note: The banana filling tends to dry out if the cake is left in the fridge too long (i.e. a couple days). I don't think it goes bad or anything, it's just not quite as magical.


Word, so this cake obviously kicks ass, but it does take a long time and makes a pretty formidable mess. It's worth it, but proceed with caution. Don't start this one an hour before the party.

Addendum: the first time I made this cake, I did so without any electric mixing appliances. DON'T DO THAT. I had hand cramps for like a week afterwards