Pastry Bag Technique: Needs Improvement

That's what it would say on my kitchen report card if such a thing existed.

Next time I'm just going to do alternating concentric circles of one type of cream, instead of trying to alternate within each circle. That'll probably look a little cleaner.

Recipe

For everyday pies, I don't really see a reason to use anything but a crust-from-a-box. It's pretty much the same damn thing as a homemade pie crust, but without the hardest part - dealing with the cold, hard butter. The filling on this is just a standard lemon curd, and the topping vanilla and raspberry whipped cream.

Crust
Pre-heat oven to 450. Mix enough pie-crust mix (e.g. Betty Crocker) with water to make one crust. Roll it out to an 11 to 12 inch round. Butter a 9 to 10 inch tart pan (with false bottom) and drape crust over it. Press the crust down into the pan, taking care to move crust down from the sides into the dish rather than stretching the bottom crust to the walls - this helps avoid what every baker fears: shrinkage. Trim the crust so that about a half inch of overhang remains, and fold this overhang down to double up the thickness of the tart wall, so that about 1/4 inch of crust shows above the rim of the pan. Chill in the freezer for 10 min. Fork dough thoroughly and bake at 450 F for 10 minutes, or until golden. Set aside to cool

Curd

• 4 lemons
• 1.5 c sugar
• 4 oz (1 stick) unsalted butter
• 4 extra large eggs (at room temp - like the French do)
• pinch salt

Zest the lemons (no pith, please) and chop the zest fine. The easiest way to do this is to mix the sugar and zest in a food processor and pulverize for a minute or so. Squeeze 1/2 cup of juice from your lemons and set it aside. Cream this lemon-sugar dust with the butter with an electric mixer for 2-3 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, beating until incorporated. Add the lemon juice and salt and combine. Heat the mixture over LOW heat in a 2 qt saucepan, stirring constantly, for about 10 minutes. When the curd has started to thicken, and coats the back of the spoon nicely, remove it from the heat. Pour warm curd into the cooled tart shell and let it set at room temperature for a few hours.

Topping

• 1 c heavy whipping cream
• 1 heaping tbsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• Handfull of washed raspberries

Before starting, throw a bowl and your beaters in the freezer for 10-15 minutes, and make sure the cream is ice cold. Mash the washed raspberries with a fork in a small bowl. Cover and refrigerate.

combine cream, sugar, and vanilla in a large mixing bowl, and beat for about 15 seconds. Remove half of the cream mixture to a small bowl, and beat the remaining mixture to stiff peaks. Remove the vanilla whipped cream to a small bowl. Transfer the unbeaten mixture to the large bowl and beat until barely thickened. Add raspberries and beat to reasonably stiff peaks (something about the raspberries - acidity or juiciness perhaps - prevents the cream from fully whipping). Using a pastry bag fitted with a star tip, top cooled tart with concentric circles of whipped cream dots. As I mentioned in the intro I think I'm going to try alternating circles of vanilla and raspberry cream next time - at least until I get a little better with the pastry bag.

Sandwich Triad

The Annals of Lunch

Sandwich. The word alone inspires salivation. Indeed, the incredible potential for deliciousness is surpassed only by the immense variety of style and form in the world of this lunchtime staple. Recently I found myself falling it into a rut sandwich-wise. It was a tasty rut, to be sure, but a rut nonetheless. It was time to branch out. I picked three of my most successful experiments to publish in this post. Hopefully this will inspire you to break out of your own sandwich habits. However, seeing as no one actually reads this blog, I'll probably only end up inspiring myself at some point in the future. That sounds dirty...

Open Face Italian Turkey

Whenever I'm trying to decide what to cook the first type of food that comes to mind is always Italian food. Maybe it's because that's all I ate growing up, I don't know - I'm not a psychologist. Whatever the reason I always find myself thinking 'why would I cook any other kind of food?' The influence of this thinking is pretty obvious here, and you'll find it in all three sandwiches (and really, damn near everything else I cook).

• 2 (vertical) slices of fresh ciabatta* about a half inch thick each.
• 2 medium thin slices of provolone cheese
• a little under a quarter pound of tacchino arrosto (roast turkey), I like mine affumicato con miele (honey smoked)
• 4-5 thin tomato slices, slightly mangled
• 1 tsp good extra virgin olive oil
• A pinch shredded Parmigiano-Reggiano
• A pinch of dried basil
• Fresh black pepper to taste

The goal with this sandwich is to create a slightly crunchy bottom to the bread on one side, and slightly browned cheese on the top. This must be done in two steps because, at least in my toaster, you can't get the cheese to start bubbling without completely blackening your bread. Alright, let's make this sandwich:

Layer the turkey on the bread. Don't be tempted into piling the meat too high. Normally, I'm all about more meat, but when this kind of cold-cut turkey heats up it tends to get really salty, so unless you want to chase this sandwich with a half-gallon of water, use moderation. Roll it up, tear it, crumple it, whatever makes it fit onto the bread. You want to minimize overhang, because any turkey that's not shielded by bread or cheese will burn and harden, and you'll have to trim it off. Not ideal. Next layer on your cheese, trying to cover all the turkey. Toast (in a toaster oven... do not try to jam this in a vertical toaster. please.) on the "medium" setting.

While that's toasting, you can prep your tomatoes. Cut them thin, about an eighth of an inch, then mangle them a bit so that they're more lines than circles, and drape them over the top of the sandwiches, when they're done toasting. Sprinkle some Parmigiano-Reggiano over the tomatoes, and crack some black pepper on top of that. Place the sandwiches on the toaster-oven's tray, and throw it on top-brown. When they come out, drizzle some olive oil on top.

Eat.

*I always have this stuff on hand. I keep it "fresh" by cutting loaves into quarters the day I buy it, then wrapping the hell out of it and throwing it in the freezer. That way I can just bust out a chunk at a time. I usually use some of it for lunch, and have what's left with dinner. Simple.

Man-ini. You're Welcome.

The first half of this sandwich didn't survive long enough to be photographed. This is evidence of two features of this sandwich: first it's irresistible savory tastiness, second the relatively large amount of time it takes to make.

• 5-6 inch long hunk of ciabatta (preparation explained below)
• 1/2 cup bacon, chopped into small chunks
• Enough asiago cheese (sliced thin) to cover the bread in a single layer
• Enough white cheddar (sharp, sliced thin) to cover the bread in 3 layers
• 5-6 oven-roasted tomato slices
• A pinch of thinly sliced red onion
• 1 drizzle extra virgin olive oil
• 1-2 tsp of chopped Italian parsley

Bread Prep
So I read about this sandwich technique in Simple Italian Sandwiches, the 'Ino (a sandwich shop in NY) cookbook, and I found it confusing as hell the way they described it. The idea is that since ciabatta is fairly thin, it makes a heartier sandwich if you cut it "horizontally" or equatorially. Basically if you've got your bread sitting flat on your countertop, you want the plane of your cut to be parallel to your table. HOWEVER, before you make this cut, you're gonna want to trim your bread some. Shave off the domed top part of the hunk of bread, so that you're left with about a 1 inch thick piece of bread to work with. Cut that bread in half in the aforementioned way and you're left with two 1/2 inch slices. One with just crust around the edges, and one with crust all over the bottom.

Innards Prep
The "oven roasted tomato" idea is from that same Sandwiches cookbook. They recommend roasting the tomato slices in a single layer at around 350 for a half hour, or something like that. I didn't feel like waiting, so I arranged my tomato slices in a single layer on my toaster-oven tray and turned it on broil. Once I got those going, I started the bacon in a cold pan (the way it's supposed to be). Watch both of these, you want the bacon crispy, not burnt, and the tomatoes tender, not shriveled.

Sandwich
Layer your asiago cheese on one side of the bread, and your cheddar on the other. Throw down your bacon bits on the asiago side, followed by the tomatoes, onions, olive oil, and parsley. Put the two sides together and throw it on your pre-heated panini press (you do have a panini press, don't you?).

If you don't happen to have a professional panini press, a George Foreman type electric grill will do the job, you'll just need to put a cookbook or something heavy (and heat resistant) on top of it, otherwise the sandwich won't flatten properly. If you don't have a foreman, a grill pan and a brick will also work, but you'll have to flip your sandwich half way through to cook it evenly.

Toast in your press until the sandwich is golden brown and cheese is bubbling out of the sides. Cut in half, and eat. Serve it with chips, or don't serve it at all.


The Number Two-Point-Five

This sandwich is an hommage to my favorite deli sandwich ever: the Gourmet Heaven #2, without honey mustard. Turkey, brie, and green apples on a footlong grinder roll. I must have gotten that sandwich 3 or 4 times a week in college. I've modified the form and replaced the brie with Fromager d'Affinois, its slightly funkier cousin, but the soul of the #2 lives on.

• 2 thin (3/8") slices of ciabatta
• ~1/4 lb turkey, sliced thin
• 5-6 long slices of Affinois cheese
• 4-5 thin apple slices (something green)

Place the bread on a panini press or substitute (see above) and grill until lightly toasted, and cover each with 2 layers of turkey, 1 layer of Affinois, and one layer of apple slices (they fit better if you cut them in half). 

Yamolumpia (aka Lumpimoto)

Beast from the weast DJ Pandabomb serves up some lumpia

I was kicking it with my man DJ Pandabomb today and we were trying to decide what to make for dinner. We had lumpia wraps, some beef, potatoes, and onions. Pandabomb decided that the only viable course of action was to make a kind of Asian corn beef hash and roll it up into a generous pile of yamolumpia.

Here's what you need to make it happen:

DJ Pandabomb's Yamolumpia

About 20 min prep, 10 min cooking. Makes ~10 lumpia

--Lumpia--

1 lb beef chopped - should be thin-sliced medallions of sirloin (i.e. beef for bulgogi)

1/2 lb small potatoes

1/2 medium onion

2-3 green onions

1 qt + 3 tbsp vegetable or canola oil.

10-12 lumpia wraps

--Sauce--

1/4 cup white vinegar

2 cloves fresh garlic, crushed/pressed and chunked.

Filling

First, wash and boil potatoes for about 5 minutes. Strain and cut potatoes into small chunks. Chop onions and mix with chopped potatoes. Heat about 3 tbsp oil over medium high heat in a skillet or frying pan. Cook beef until it's about half cooked (half red, half gray/brown), then add potato/onion mix. Cook until beef is almost cooked enough and/or onions become translucent. Remove filling from heat to a bowl.

Lumpia

Separate off a lumpia wrap (if it's too dry to work with you can make it more pliable by selectively wetting it with a drip-dry paper towel) and lay it in front of you. Spoon a little less than a 1/4 cup of filling mix onto the wrap near one end, and roll up the lumpia as shown in the diagram below:

Simple

With your lumpia wrapped, stacked, and looking like the tasty specimens in the first picture, it's time to get cooking. Heat a quart or so of oil in a deep pan to about 325-350°F. The amount of oil will vary with the size of your pan, so adjust as needed. 

DJ Pandabomb using the antimatter plasma stove

Basically you want an inch or two of oil depth, and you want to make sure the pan is less than half full. However much oil it takes to hit that sweet spot, use that. Fry lumpia until golden brown and lay them down on a paper towel to soak up the extra oil.

Sauce
The sauce for these lumpia is unbelievably easy to make, but do not underestimate its importance. A dunk in this tangy condiment is all you need to take these lumpia to the next level. Are you ready for the instructions? Alright here they are: combine vinegar and crushed garlic in a bowl. Serve.

Mmmm... crispy.

Theoretical Ice Cream...

...the best kind?
Cinnamon Peach Skin Ice Cream

One of the most disappointing things about canned peaches is the lack of skin. The slime in which they are suspended is pretty cool, and that counts for something, but when I'm eating a slice of peach, it doesn't matter how sweet, juicy, and sexy the flesh is, there's nothing I like more than gnawing on the tangy, fuzzy skin. This flavor deserves to be a headliner, to be the center of attention in a dish. People, however, are not likely to look fondly on being served a platter of skin, so what better way to get our peachy point across than with ice cream?

Here's the issue: I haven't made this recipe yet, for lack of an ice cream maker (mine is about 3000 miles that way -->). As of right now, this ice cream is merely a really tasty thought experiment. Hopefully it turns out...

Yield: a little over 1 qt.

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups heavy cream
• 1 3/4 cups whole milk
• 3/4 cups sugar
• 6 large egg yolks
• skin of 12 peaches (yeah, so you might want to make a fruit salad or something too...)
  
• 1/4 cup peach juice
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• Some quantity Ceylon cinnamon (maybe... If the peach skin by itself is good, fuck the spices)
  
• Small pinch salt
  

Directions
So here's the basic theory behind this recipe: We want the essence of peach skin, and we need to counterbalance the sweetness native to the ice cream. To do this we add lemon juice, to kill the sweetness, and we attack with three different kinds of peach flavor: We blend half of the peach skin, to make a peach-skin puree, add general peachy essence with the peach juice, and then we chop or grate the rest of the skin so that people will know what they're eating (munching down on the skin is basically the best part). Timing is the part I have to get down, that is when to add everything. I'm concerned about losing the freshness and tangyness of the skin in the cooking process, so maybe I'll add half the puree before the boil, and half after. I'll figure it out, and I'll actually post directions when I do. Until then, dream of peaches (if you know what I mean). Oh and if anyone figures out how to do this, let me know, and I'll gladly take credit for your hard work.

Sauce Without a Cause

Passion Fruit Red Wine Dessert Sauce

I really don't like being told I can't do something, especially by people with authority. This is why I write a blog about food that no one reads instead of doing something productive like calculus. Anyways, I mused out loud one day about a sweet red wine reduction sauce for some kind of dessert, and was swiftly told that it shouldn't be done, that it shouldn't even be thought about. With my middle finger to the world, I set out to make a red wine dessert sauce. But aren't red wine reductions are better for savory dishes? Don't the strong flavors and tannins better complement meat and onions than fruit and pastries? Bite me.

Ingredients

• 2 cups decent red wine (I like a cabernet sauvignon, but I'm sure anything will do... merlot, however, is for pansies)
• 1 cup passion fruit juice (they sell it at Shaw's - Goya makes it, it's in the "world foods" section)
• some quantity of sugar... to taste, I guess? (I'll get back to you on that)
• 2 tsp lemon juice (doesn't have to be fresh)
• 1 stick cinnamon (this will come out, so don't substitute with powder)
• *optional: 1 tbsp whole cloves* (<-- for the winter)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Production
In medium saucepan, combine wine and spices. Bring wine to a simmer, and let the alcohol mostly reduce off. Let simmer uncovered for about 10 min. Add juices and sugar and let return to a boil. Simmer uncovered for about 20 min, or until the liquid has reduced down noticeably and the sauce is ever-so-slightly more viscous than it was originally. Don't worry, detail will be added in this section when I make this sauce again. Add the vanilla extract and simmer for about five more minutes. Let cool to room temp and store covered in the fridge for later use...


That brings me to the present issue with this recipe: what the hell do I use it for? It tastes pretty good, but the only way I've ever had it is by letting pieces of English muffin soak it up and then eating the muffin. It's just a little too runny to top ice cream with or to drizzle over black-bottom cupcakes. Please let me know if you think of anything. Maybe I'll soak slices of angelfood cake in it and layer them with whipped cream.

Other ideas I've been considering:

• Make sorbet out of it
• Flavor whipped cream with it
• Make a mousse cake with it

Dammit, no matter what I consider I can never find any reason to just use it as it is. It always seems to take on some other form. Well whatever, I did succeed in making a red wine dessert sauce, for the record.

Cake of Life/Cake of Death

Depending on Your Point of View
Triple-Layer Chocolate Cake with Banana Filling

My friend likes chocolate. I mean he really likes chocolate. He likes bananas too, and when his birthday came up I wanted to make something truly awesome. I don't know if I succeeded, but we're married now, so I guess it worked out.

Layers 1 and 3 Ingredients:

• 2 cups sugar
• 1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup cocoa powder
  
• 1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup boiling water

Layer 2 Ingredients:

• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter , room temperature, plus extra for buttering pan
• 10 ounces good-quality semisweet chocolate , preferably French or Belgian, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup light corn syrup
• 3 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks

Filling Ingredients:

• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 2 bananas, soft but not brown
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
  
• confectioner's sugar to taste
  

Frosting Ingredients

• 1 pound semi-sweet chocolate, roughly chopped (I like to use a really distinctive chocolate here, something with a lot of crazy flavors in it naturally - if you can get it, Scharffen Berger is a great option)
  
• 3/4 cup butter, cubed
  
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
  
• 1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
  

Layers 1 and 3:
Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed of mixer 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely.
(This might sound remarkably like the recipe from the back of the Hershey's cocoa powder container - it's not)

Layer 2:
Keep oven at 350°. Lightly butter a 9-inch round springform pan with removable bottom. Line bottom with parchment paper; butter parchment.

In the top pan of a double boiler over simmering water, melt chocolate, stirring occasionally. Remove pan from heat and whisk butter into chocolate until butter is melted and mixture is smooth. Set aside.

In a small, heavy pot over high heat, bring sugar and corn syrup to a boil, swirling pot occasionally to dissolve sugar. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes.

In the bowl of a heavy-duty electric mixer with wire whisk attached, beat eggs and yolks at medium-high speed until thick and frothy, 5 to 6 minutes. Reduce speed to medium low and carefully pour hot sugar syrup into beaten eggs in a thin, steady stream, avoiding the beaters. Remove bowl; use a rubber spatula to fold chocolate mixture into egg mixture.

Pour chocolate mixture into prepared pan. Place pan on a cookie sheet. Bake until cake has risen and set, 45 to 50 minutes. Move pan to a cooling rack and let cool completely. Run a thin, sharp knife around cake to loosen; remove from pan.

Let cake stand until room temperature
(This might sound remarkably like Oprah's Flourless Chocolate cake - it's not)

Filling:
DISCLAIMER: this part of the recipe might be bullshit... it's been about 7 mos since I made this cake and this and the frosting are the only parts of the recipe I actually made up... not gonna lie, I don't really remember if this is exactly what I did... I'll update this if I find that what I've written is an absolute failure

Cream the bananas in a mixing bowl with an electric mixer on high. Once the bananas are basically a smooth liquid add in the lemon juice and set aside. In another mixing bowl, combine the cream, vanilla, and sugar to taste. Whip that shit up to stiff peaks, but try to avoid making really sweet butter. Fold in the banana jizz until combined.

Frosting:
Melt the chocolate in a double boiler, stirring frequently until glossy and smooth. Add in the butter and vanilla, and stir until the butter is mixed in.

Transfer the melted chocolate mixture to a mixing bowl, and beat on high. While beating, sift in the confectioner's sugar and beat until the sugar is incorporated and the mixture is fluffy and awesome.

Assembly
For this cake, you might find it appropriate to shave your top and bottom layers so that everything fits together nicely. Personally, if the cakes aren't too different from each other in terms of flatness, I like to leave them unshaven. I think the unevenness of the cake makes it feel more authentic. Plus, you get more cake that way. So to start, lay down one of your cooled Hershey's Chocolate cakes and spread the top with half of the banana goo. Next, add on the Oprah Flourless layer, more banana goo. Top it off with your final Hershey's layer, and frost. I would let the whole thing chill in the fridge for an hour or so before serving, but if you can't wait, whatever, you earned it.

Note: The banana filling tends to dry out if the cake is left in the fridge too long (i.e. a couple days). I don't think it goes bad or anything, it's just not quite as magical.


Word, so this cake obviously kicks ass, but it does take a long time and makes a pretty formidable mess. It's worth it, but proceed with caution. Don't start this one an hour before the party.

Addendum: the first time I made this cake, I did so without any electric mixing appliances. DON'T DO THAT. I had hand cramps for like a week afterwards

Buffalo Stampede!

So, I was rolling down the Oregon Trail the other day, minding my own business, when all of a sudden these buffalo come out of nowhere and overrun our entire camp. There I was, lounging on a sleeping buffalo when it hit me: what do you do when you have too much buffalo? Make burgers! Brilliant...

So the main thing to remember with buffalo is that it is really, really lean. This means that it's difficult to make your burgers moist, and that what you put on the grill is more or less what you will be taking off the grill. These burgers aren't going to lose 20% of their mass as the fat drips off, so just be aware of that. My solution to the issue posed by reduced fat content is, of course, add more fat.

Baadasssss Burgers:
Fuck Yeah
Serves 2 MEN (about 6 1/2-lb burgers)

Meat
2 lbs ground buffalo (they sell it at Shaw's, pre-packaged)
1 lb ground beef (80%-85% lean)

Structure (i.e. if you're looking to tweak this recipe, don't look here)
2 large eggs
3-4 tbsp olive oil

Flavor
4 tbsp BBQ sauce (something smokey or spicy depending on what vibe you're going for, I actually like the classic KC Masterpiece-processed-plastic-bottle-standard-issue sauce for burgers)
2 cloves garlic, chopped fine
2 tsp Cayenne pepper
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 med white onion, chopped fine
1/2 to 2/3 cup chopped celery
lots of freshly ground black pepper - basically, pepper to taste, but don't be shy here
few pinches of salt

lots of grated cheese - there's some wiggle room here in terms of flavor. This cheese is going inside the patty - the grease will keep the burger moist as it cooks, and hitting a pocket of cheese when you're eating a burger is fantastic.
Some cheeses to consider
- Cheddar - classic burger cheese, melts nicely
- Mozzarella - stringy when it melts, which is nice
- Parmigiano-Reggiano - sharp, good flavor

honestly, I'd reccommend mixing all of them together. I would avoid using American or Jack, however. I am all for using these cheeses to top the burger, but when they melt inside the patty, they become one with the meat, and you loose the effect.

Fixin's
Whatever you feel like
Cheese
Ketchup


Assembly
This is the part that kind of sucks if the meat is really cold, but there's really no way around it. Break out your meat into a large mixing bowl. Wash up your hands and start kneading it all together. Crack in the eggs, and mix in the olive oil. Once that's all mixed, add the BBQ sauce, and the rest of the seasoning. Add pepper last, to sort of top off the flavors. Form the patties into about six even disks.
With your pile of cheese ready for action, work the disks around in your hand to flatten them out more, forming a kind of meat pancake. drop a generous pinch of the cheese blend into the middle of the disk, and fold the disk in half. Seal the edges with your fingers and press and reshape the patty into something respectable.

Cooking
Low(er) Fat
Now, nothing beats a real grill, with real fire. The flavor that you get from direct exposure to that kind of heat, and the added tang of innumerable exotic carcinogens is irreplaceable in the burger world. That said, I've made these on a Foreman grill before, and they still taste pretty damn good, so if you don't have fire, it's not a big deal. Grill the patties to your liking. For 1/2 lb patties (of which there should be about 6 from this recipe), about 8 minutes will be as done as I'd want them. Some push it up to 10 minutes. I don't talk to them. Remember to cook them EVENLY - that means turn them... more than once.
High Fat
A personal favorite - this is an alternate method for cooking the burgers that retains much more of the fat that makes this nation great. Crack out a 12" skillet and heat up ~1 tbsp olive oil with medium to medium high heat depending on your stove (only add olive oil once, the burgers will provide the lube thereafter). Lay down your first couple of burgers, and let them sizzle. I usually cook them for ~4 minutes a side in total, and then drain off the grease and let them brown up a little on each side. Repeat. This method puts out some exceptionally juicy (if exceptionally rich) burgers.

Dress with cheese, ketchup, and whatever else turns you on. Word.