Yeah so that didn't happen...

Stealing from other food blogs

I said I would finish the breakfast pie recipe. I did not. Maybe that will happen some time around Thanksgiving. Maybe it won't. What I will offer, however, just in time for the best part of college tailgate season: Guinness Cupcakes.

Fucking right.

Cake

• 1 cup Guinness
• 1 stick, plus 1 tb, unsalted butter
• 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
• 2 cups dark brown sugar
• 3/4 cup sour cream
• 2 eggs
• 1 tb vanilla extract
• 2 cups flour
• 2 1/2 tsp baking soda

Glaze*

• 8 oz cream cheese
• 1 1/4 cups confectioners’ sugar
• 1/3 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350; butter a muffin tin.

Combine the Guinness and the butter, chopped into 1-inch chunks, in a large sauce pan, and heat to melt the butter. Remove from heat, and whisk in the cocoa and sugar. In a bowl, whisk the sour cream with the eggs and vanilla, then add to the beer mixture. Sift together the flour and baking soda, and fold into the batter. Pour into muffin molds and bake for 25 minutes, or until inserted cake tester comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes, remove from muffin tin, and cool completely on a rack.

Using a mixer, whip cream cheese until smooth, sift in sugar, and beat. Add milk, and beat until smooth. Spread glaze over cooled cupcakes.

*To create a thinner glaze, use a tablespoon or two more milk; for a topping more akin to icing, use less milk, and perhaps more sugar. In either case, add a little sugar or milk at a time, mix, and check for desired consistency.

The above recipe copied verbatim (i.e. ctrl-c, ctrl-v) from Big City Little Kitchen. I had nothing (NOTHING) to do with the creation of this recipe, I simply stand in awe of it's greatness.

Slowly but surely

Breakfast Pie - The Outline

Jobs aren't all that easy to find these days. No doubt - I love my job. I love having my job. It is, however, a huge, HUGE time sink, something I did not realize until I actually started working. I sleep, eat, and go to work. That's what I do - that's pretty much it. Ok, so that's an exaggeration but honestly there's not too much time left in my schedule for food blogging. Nevertheless, I don't want to completely ignore this project. I have been working towards finishing my breakfast pie recipe. Here's the skeleton I'm working off of - hopefully the actual recipe will follow in short order:

Crust:
Gotta be flaky and rich - I want this crust to have some balls, maybe go with animal lard instead of cold butter. thicker grade of flour? maltier definitely. Savory to blend with the shredded cheddar that's incorporated

Layer 1: Home Fries
Simple. red bliss potatoes fried hard - country-style in a skillet with butter, spice (cayenne powder, onion powder, oregano, salt, fresh black pepper) and bacon fat. This layer also provides substantial carbs - no need for other starchy layer (i.e. waffle layer or pancake layer - possibly for an alternate "sweet breakfast" pie).

Layer 2: Eggs
Essential to the meatiness of the dish - the eggs are scrambled with LIGHT cheese (shredded - probably moderately sharp yellow cheddar) added are sauteed peppers and onions. black pepper.

The top: Bacon
We want thick cut, applewood smoked or equivalent. woven in a cold skillet, cooked by slow-heat method. Once it starts to sizzle, (carefully) flip it, let it sizzle a bit more. Doesn't have to be (in fact shouldn't be) finished when you take it off the heat. You want it to be a little pliable so you can fit it to the top of the pie, and it will finish during the last step of cooking the pie.

Baking this fucker: Multi-step process
We want to first bake the crust alone - just underdone. then we add the cream filling, the good shit. Warm it up, low heat, 10-15 minutes (adjust to higher temperature, so the crust finishes properly when we crank up the convection). Final
bake: Finishing the crust and the bacon - convection bake on med-high temp (tbd) until edge golden brown and bacon crispy. The trick will be getting those to happen at the same time. Maybe get them both pretty close to done before the final bake, then just kind of use the convection step to put on the finishing touches - not doing all that much heavy lifting.

Diet Pie
I was thinking about ways to lighten this pie up a bit - might be kinda hard to eat as-is. Maybe go for a light and flaky crust - still savory and malty, but not as dense. Homefries are easy - just cook them in olive oil. You're not going to get them to be any lower in carbs. I guess you could also just put down fewer of them. Eggs: Couple ways to hit this. Scrambled egg whites is an option - straight protein. No fat, no cholesterol, also no color and funky flavor (mmmmm albumin). Another option is half-yolk. I like this alternative, just de-yolk every other egg you crack, and it it's an odd number go with fewer yolks than more yolks. unless it looks funny, then add the other yolk. For the top layer use a thin-cut, low sodium bacon. Will be a little tougher to work with, because that stuff can get mighty brittle when it crisps up, but definitely worth it - it will definitely take down the caloric footprint of this pie by a significant margin (not to mention the saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium).

Word up.


UPDATE:
------------
So I just re-read the above recipe skeleton. Sorry if it's confusing or hard to follow - these are actually just notes I took down one day at work, so they weren't really intended for publishing. Bottom line, if something seems weird or confusing, wait for the real recipe to come out.

Shit, team

Holy shit, team, it's been a long couple of months. There will be recipes posted. Yes, there will. Not now, though. Instead, I'd like to take some time to talk about something very important to me: bacon.

I believe, for what it's worth, that whatever higher power created us, was, at least for some time, pretty happy with us. As a reward, this higher power gave us bacon. Few things in this world move me the way a saucy slab of bacon does. Here's a short list of the things one can do with a 1 1/2 lb slab of smoked bacon:

• Breakfast for 2
• Breakfast for 1 for 2 days
• Some chronic fried rice
• Sled
• One of these:
  

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/blog/recipes/bacon-explosion/

• Bacon pie - (by the end of the summer there will be a recipe for this, rest assured this is something I've wanted to throw together for a while)

That's all for now. Sorry I've been gone for so long. Finals are a bitch.

UPDATE:
------------
The Bacon pie mentioned above is actually starting to come together. First attempt might go down this weekend. It will be called the Breakfast Pie. Be ready.

Memories from Italy

A Classy Treat

In lieu of an introduction, I thought I'd post a recipe so glitzy and glamorous it will blow all y'all away. But then I thought, to hell with it - it's 8.20am on a Thursday Morning, midterms are coming up, papers are waiting to be written (kids, keeping a 15 page paper until the last minute is never a good idea, especially if you are a humanities major attempting a paper on intergalactic radiation or some such wacky shit you know nothing about), plastic handles of cheap vodka to be *ahem* "disposed" of - and, let's face it, there's just no time to find your kiss-the-chef apron buried amidst 2 month's worth of laundry and dally on down to the student kitchen only to discover that some bastard stole all the cookie sheets and there is no butter ANYWHERE - and christ, that was one hell of a run on sentence. Anyhoodles, I decided instead on an easy-yet-effective recipe guaranteed to curb your late night munchies that requires only a microwave, a bowl, a spoon and ingredients you probably already have in your room or could easily pilfer from your dining hall. Trust me - it's so easy you could even make it while inebriated. I tried.

microwave cocoa krispies treats

ingredients (note: this is only a rough estimate. I'm a big advocate of eye-ballin' it)

1 1/2 tb peanut butter (i recommend smooth)

2 cups cocoa krispies

2 cups marshmallows (use the small kind)

Dump the peanut butter into the bottom of a microwaveable bowl, followed by half the cocoa krispies. Cover with marshmallows, then another layer of cocoa krispies. Top off with the last of the marshmallows, then microwave for about 30 seconds, or until the marshmellows form a nice poofy dome over your bowl. Remove from microwave and stir until the whole thing is coated evenly with  PB and marshmallows, and stick together in a clump. At this point, you can add more marshmallows and microwave for another 30 seconds if mixture doesn't stick.

This recipe could be altered in many ways. You could, instead of peanut butter, use normal butter or even some hydrogenated shit butter substitute (although if you go this latter route I will point and laugh at you and call you a sissy). You could use normal rice krispies instead of cocoa krispies; in fact, most cereals will work, although puffy ones work the best. You could also add other ingredients too - I used to make them with chocolate chips sometimes... and they were yummy.

So yeah, that's it from me for now....

peace and love -

P

Theoretical Ice Cream...

...the best kind?
Cinnamon Peach Skin Ice Cream

One of the most disappointing things about canned peaches is the lack of skin. The slime in which they are suspended is pretty cool, and that counts for something, but when I'm eating a slice of peach, it doesn't matter how sweet, juicy, and sexy the flesh is, there's nothing I like more than gnawing on the tangy, fuzzy skin. This flavor deserves to be a headliner, to be the center of attention in a dish. People, however, are not likely to look fondly on being served a platter of skin, so what better way to get our peachy point across than with ice cream?

Here's the issue: I haven't made this recipe yet, for lack of an ice cream maker (mine is about 3000 miles that way -->). As of right now, this ice cream is merely a really tasty thought experiment. Hopefully it turns out...

Yield: a little over 1 qt.

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups heavy cream
• 1 3/4 cups whole milk
• 3/4 cups sugar
• 6 large egg yolks
• skin of 12 peaches (yeah, so you might want to make a fruit salad or something too...)
  
• 1/4 cup peach juice
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• Some quantity Ceylon cinnamon (maybe... If the peach skin by itself is good, fuck the spices)
  
• Small pinch salt
  

Directions
So here's the basic theory behind this recipe: We want the essence of peach skin, and we need to counterbalance the sweetness native to the ice cream. To do this we add lemon juice, to kill the sweetness, and we attack with three different kinds of peach flavor: We blend half of the peach skin, to make a peach-skin puree, add general peachy essence with the peach juice, and then we chop or grate the rest of the skin so that people will know what they're eating (munching down on the skin is basically the best part). Timing is the part I have to get down, that is when to add everything. I'm concerned about losing the freshness and tangyness of the skin in the cooking process, so maybe I'll add half the puree before the boil, and half after. I'll figure it out, and I'll actually post directions when I do. Until then, dream of peaches (if you know what I mean). Oh and if anyone figures out how to do this, let me know, and I'll gladly take credit for your hard work.

Sauce Without a Cause

Passion Fruit Red Wine Dessert Sauce

I really don't like being told I can't do something, especially by people with authority. This is why I write a blog about food that no one reads instead of doing something productive like calculus. Anyways, I mused out loud one day about a sweet red wine reduction sauce for some kind of dessert, and was swiftly told that it shouldn't be done, that it shouldn't even be thought about. With my middle finger to the world, I set out to make a red wine dessert sauce. But aren't red wine reductions are better for savory dishes? Don't the strong flavors and tannins better complement meat and onions than fruit and pastries? Bite me.

Ingredients

• 2 cups decent red wine (I like a cabernet sauvignon, but I'm sure anything will do... merlot, however, is for pansies)
• 1 cup passion fruit juice (they sell it at Shaw's - Goya makes it, it's in the "world foods" section)
• some quantity of sugar... to taste, I guess? (I'll get back to you on that)
• 2 tsp lemon juice (doesn't have to be fresh)
• 1 stick cinnamon (this will come out, so don't substitute with powder)
• *optional: 1 tbsp whole cloves* (<-- for the winter)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Production
In medium saucepan, combine wine and spices. Bring wine to a simmer, and let the alcohol mostly reduce off. Let simmer uncovered for about 10 min. Add juices and sugar and let return to a boil. Simmer uncovered for about 20 min, or until the liquid has reduced down noticeably and the sauce is ever-so-slightly more viscous than it was originally. Don't worry, detail will be added in this section when I make this sauce again. Add the vanilla extract and simmer for about five more minutes. Let cool to room temp and store covered in the fridge for later use...


That brings me to the present issue with this recipe: what the hell do I use it for? It tastes pretty good, but the only way I've ever had it is by letting pieces of English muffin soak it up and then eating the muffin. It's just a little too runny to top ice cream with or to drizzle over black-bottom cupcakes. Please let me know if you think of anything. Maybe I'll soak slices of angelfood cake in it and layer them with whipped cream.

Other ideas I've been considering:

• Make sorbet out of it
• Flavor whipped cream with it
• Make a mousse cake with it

Dammit, no matter what I consider I can never find any reason to just use it as it is. It always seems to take on some other form. Well whatever, I did succeed in making a red wine dessert sauce, for the record.

New Authors!!!one!

I am but a poor lost lamb, but you already knew that. I guess we all are. Sheep, however, are pack animals, and in my quest for culinary cronies I have successfully sucked a few more in to this particular herd. Please welcome, with warmth and moisture... our new author.

Cake of Life/Cake of Death

Depending on Your Point of View
Triple-Layer Chocolate Cake with Banana Filling

My friend likes chocolate. I mean he really likes chocolate. He likes bananas too, and when his birthday came up I wanted to make something truly awesome. I don't know if I succeeded, but we're married now, so I guess it worked out.

Layers 1 and 3 Ingredients:

• 2 cups sugar
• 1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup cocoa powder
  
• 1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup boiling water

Layer 2 Ingredients:

• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter , room temperature, plus extra for buttering pan
• 10 ounces good-quality semisweet chocolate , preferably French or Belgian, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup light corn syrup
• 3 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks

Filling Ingredients:

• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 2 bananas, soft but not brown
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
  
• confectioner's sugar to taste
  

Frosting Ingredients

• 1 pound semi-sweet chocolate, roughly chopped (I like to use a really distinctive chocolate here, something with a lot of crazy flavors in it naturally - if you can get it, Scharffen Berger is a great option)
  
• 3/4 cup butter, cubed
  
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
  
• 1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
  

Layers 1 and 3:
Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed of mixer 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely.
(This might sound remarkably like the recipe from the back of the Hershey's cocoa powder container - it's not)

Layer 2:
Keep oven at 350°. Lightly butter a 9-inch round springform pan with removable bottom. Line bottom with parchment paper; butter parchment.

In the top pan of a double boiler over simmering water, melt chocolate, stirring occasionally. Remove pan from heat and whisk butter into chocolate until butter is melted and mixture is smooth. Set aside.

In a small, heavy pot over high heat, bring sugar and corn syrup to a boil, swirling pot occasionally to dissolve sugar. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes.

In the bowl of a heavy-duty electric mixer with wire whisk attached, beat eggs and yolks at medium-high speed until thick and frothy, 5 to 6 minutes. Reduce speed to medium low and carefully pour hot sugar syrup into beaten eggs in a thin, steady stream, avoiding the beaters. Remove bowl; use a rubber spatula to fold chocolate mixture into egg mixture.

Pour chocolate mixture into prepared pan. Place pan on a cookie sheet. Bake until cake has risen and set, 45 to 50 minutes. Move pan to a cooling rack and let cool completely. Run a thin, sharp knife around cake to loosen; remove from pan.

Let cake stand until room temperature
(This might sound remarkably like Oprah's Flourless Chocolate cake - it's not)

Filling:
DISCLAIMER: this part of the recipe might be bullshit... it's been about 7 mos since I made this cake and this and the frosting are the only parts of the recipe I actually made up... not gonna lie, I don't really remember if this is exactly what I did... I'll update this if I find that what I've written is an absolute failure

Cream the bananas in a mixing bowl with an electric mixer on high. Once the bananas are basically a smooth liquid add in the lemon juice and set aside. In another mixing bowl, combine the cream, vanilla, and sugar to taste. Whip that shit up to stiff peaks, but try to avoid making really sweet butter. Fold in the banana jizz until combined.

Frosting:
Melt the chocolate in a double boiler, stirring frequently until glossy and smooth. Add in the butter and vanilla, and stir until the butter is mixed in.

Transfer the melted chocolate mixture to a mixing bowl, and beat on high. While beating, sift in the confectioner's sugar and beat until the sugar is incorporated and the mixture is fluffy and awesome.

Assembly
For this cake, you might find it appropriate to shave your top and bottom layers so that everything fits together nicely. Personally, if the cakes aren't too different from each other in terms of flatness, I like to leave them unshaven. I think the unevenness of the cake makes it feel more authentic. Plus, you get more cake that way. So to start, lay down one of your cooled Hershey's Chocolate cakes and spread the top with half of the banana goo. Next, add on the Oprah Flourless layer, more banana goo. Top it off with your final Hershey's layer, and frost. I would let the whole thing chill in the fridge for an hour or so before serving, but if you can't wait, whatever, you earned it.

Note: The banana filling tends to dry out if the cake is left in the fridge too long (i.e. a couple days). I don't think it goes bad or anything, it's just not quite as magical.


Word, so this cake obviously kicks ass, but it does take a long time and makes a pretty formidable mess. It's worth it, but proceed with caution. Don't start this one an hour before the party.

Addendum: the first time I made this cake, I did so without any electric mixing appliances. DON'T DO THAT. I had hand cramps for like a week afterwards

Yeah I forgot about it

I guess it's pretty clear what happened. I forgot about this blog. Shit came up, what can I say?