Wednesday, October 27, 2010

November is Coming

Fall is the best season. Easily.

There's amazing scenery. There's Halloween. There's a holiday where the only thing you're expected to do is eat until you fall asleep and watch football when you wake up.

That's right motherfuckers, I have a confession to make: I love Thanksgiving. I know it's not politically correct to like Thanksgiving. We were not very nice to native Americans and it's kind of a dick move to have a holiday where we pretend they're our friends. But honestly, every holiday is offensive. Jews hate Christmas because it forced them to pretend Hanukah is actually an important holiday, Middle Eastern restaurants hate Ramadan for obvious economic reasons, and think about how the KKK must feel about Martin Luther King Day.

All racism aside, Thanksgiving is a time to bust a culinary move. 90% of the affair is set up to show all your friends and relatives how much better you are at cooking than they are. The meal comprises so many components that it can be difficult to keep track of them all; people tend to lose sight of the fact that the TURKEY is the main event. If your turkey sucks, your dinner sucks. Sorry, I don't care how good your stuffing is.

How does one make a killer turkey? This is possibly the longest standing debate in Thanksgiving culinary history. It seems like every year there's something trendy and "new" that all the cool, food-enlightened home cooks are doing. Brining comes to mind. I feel that it's my responsibility as a food blogger, amateur food scientist, and Thanksgiving enthusiast to put forward, once and for all, the Best Way to Cook a Goddamn Turkey.

Post coming some time in the next 50 years.

No comments: